Before You Judge Someone, Try to See Their Side

Understanding another person's perspective doesn't mean agreeing with them. It means making the effort to see the world from where they are standing.

We see people's behaviour.

We rarely see the whole story behind it.

Someone doesn't reply to our message, and we think they are ignoring us.

A colleague disagrees with us, and we think they are being difficult.

A family member reacts angrily, and we decide they are unreasonable.

Someone online expresses an opinion we strongly dislike, and within seconds we may decide what kind of person they are.

But what if we are seeing only one small part of the picture?

Every person carries experiences, fears, beliefs, expectations and circumstances that we cannot see.

That doesn't mean every behaviour is justified.

It simply means:

Before judging the whole person, remember that you may not know the whole story.

The Same Situation Can Look Completely Different to Two People

Imagine two people having the same conversation.

One leaves thinking:

“I was being honest.”

The other leaves thinking:

“They were being rude.”

Who is right?

Sometimes both people are seeing the situation through their own experience.

We all carry our own history into a conversation.

What feels like harmless advice to one person may feel like criticism to another.

What feels like a reasonable boundary to one person may feel like rejection to another.

What feels like confidence to one person may appear arrogant to someone else.

Our perspective is shaped by where we are standing.

And that is why understanding another perspective can be so valuable.

Understanding Is Not Agreement

This is perhaps the most important distinction.

Understanding someone does not mean agreeing with them.

You can understand why someone is angry without agreeing with the way they express it.

You can understand someone's beliefs without adopting them.

You can understand why someone made a particular decision without believing it was the right decision.

You can understand someone's fear without allowing that fear to control your own choices.

Perspective-taking is not surrender.

It is curiosity.

It is the willingness to say:

“I may not see this the way you do. Help me understand how you see it.”

That one sentence can change the direction of a conversation.

We See the Behaviour, Not the Story

Think about a person who seems unusually rude.

Our first reaction may be:

“What a horrible person.”

But perhaps they have just received difficult news.

Perhaps they are exhausted.

Perhaps something happened that we know nothing about.

Or perhaps they really are behaving badly.

We don't know.

And that is the point.

We should not invent excuses for everyone.

But we should also be careful about turning one moment into a permanent judgement of someone's character.

Instead of immediately asking:

“What's wrong with this person?”

try asking:

“What might I be missing?”

It space between what happened and the conclusion we make about it.

Ask Before You Assume

One of the simplest ways to understand another person is surprisingly difficult:

Ask.

If someone seems upset, don't always assume why.

Ask:

“Is something bothering you?”

If someone disagrees with you:

“Help me understand your concern.”

If your child behaves differently than usual:

“Is something making this difficult for you?”

If a colleague rejects your idea:

“What concerns do you see that I may have missed?”

Questions don't guarantee that we will agree.

But they give the other person an opportunity to explain themselves.

And sometimes, what we discover is very different from what we assumed.

Listen to Understand, Not to Reply

There is a big difference between hearing someone and listening to them.

Hearing is receiving words.

Listening is trying to understand what those words mean to the person saying them.

When someone is speaking, we often prepare our answer while they are still talking.

We think:

“That's not true.”

“I already know this.”

“Wait until I tell them what happened.”

And before we know it, the conversation becomes two people waiting for their turn to speak.

Try something different.

For a few moments, don't prepare your response.

Just listen.

Then ask:

“So, what I understand is…”

You may discover that you understood the person incorrectly.

And that's okay.

Understanding is often a process, not a conclusion.

Don't Assume You Know What Someone Is Feeling

This is another important lesson.

We sometimes say:

“I know exactly how you feel.”

But do we?

Even when two people experience similar events, they may experience them differently.

Instead of:

“I know exactly how you feel.”

Perhaps say:

“I may not completely understand what you're going through, but I'm willing to listen.”

There is humility in that sentence.

And humility creates space for genuine connection.

Perspective-Taking at Home

This isn't just a skill for difficult negotiations or professional relationships.

It matters most in everyday life.

With your partner

Instead of:

“You don't understand me.”

Try:

“Can I explain what this felt like from my side?”

And then ask:

“How did it feel from yours?”

With your child

Instead of:

“Why can't you just listen?”

Try:

“What is making this difficult for you?”

With a colleague

Instead of:

“They are being difficult.”

Try:

“What pressure or concern might they be dealing with?”

With someone who disagrees with you

Instead of:

“How can anyone think like that?”

Try:

“What experiences might have led them to see it differently?”

You don't have to change your position.

You are simply making room for another perspective.

Don't Invent Excuses — Look for Context

There is a danger in taking empathy too far.

Understanding someone does not mean excusing everything they do.

If someone repeatedly disrespects you, understanding their reasons doesn't mean you must accept the behaviour.

If someone hurts you, compassion doesn't require you to ignore your boundaries.

If someone does something wrong, perspective-taking doesn't mean pretending it was right.

You can say:

“I understand why you may have done this. I still cannot accept what happened.”

That's a healthy form of empathy.

Understanding and boundaries can exist together.

The Other Person May Be Wrong

Respecting different perspectives does not mean believing that every perspective is equally correct.

Sometimes someone has incomplete information.

Sometimes assumptions are wrong.

Sometimes facts matter.

Sometimes our own perspective is wrong too.

The goal is not to create a world where nobody can disagree.

The goal is to create a world where disagreement doesn't automatically become disrespect.

A mature conversation can sound like:

“I understand your point. I see it differently because…”

That is very different from:

“You're stupid for thinking that.”

The disagreement remains.

But the relationship doesn't have to become a battlefield.

Five Questions That Can Change the Way You See People

The next time you find yourself judging someone quickly, pause and ask:

1. What might I not know?

There may be information you don't have.

2. What might this person be feeling?

You don't have to guess correctly. Just remain open to the possibility that there is more beneath the behaviour.

3. What experience could have shaped their view?

People don't arrive at their beliefs from nowhere.

4. Am I judging the person or the behaviour?

A person can make a poor choice without becoming a permanently “bad person.”

5. Can I disagree without disrespecting them?

This may be the most important question of all.

Perspective and the Four Pillars

Perspective-taking is one of the simplest ways to practise the philosophy of Jiyo Aur Jeene Do.

LIVE

Recognise that your experience is not the only way to experience life.

LET LIVE

Allow others to think, believe and live differently from you.

LET LOVE

Choose curiosity before judgement and compassion before cruelty.

LEAVE KINDER

Try to understand before you condemn.

Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is simply give another person enough space to explain themselves.

One Small Practice

For one day, notice whenever you catch yourself thinking:

“I don't understand how someone can behave like this.”

Don't immediately replace the thought with an excuse.

Just add one more question:

“I wonder what I don't know yet.”

That's it.

You don't have to agree.

You don't have to approve.

You don't even have to change your decision.

Just create a little space between judgement and understanding.

That small space can prevent many unnecessary conflicts.

You Don't Have to See Through Someone Else's Eyes

We will never completely know another person's experience.

We cannot enter their memories.

We cannot feel their fears exactly as they feel them.

We cannot fully understand everything that shaped them.

But we can try.

We can ask.

We can listen.

We can remain curious.

And we can remember that our own perspective is also incomplete.

Perhaps that's the real value of seeing things from another person's side.

It doesn't make us right.

It doesn't make them right.

It simply makes the space between us a little more human.

You don't have to see the world through someone else's eyes to respect what they see.